Speak
by winterslove
Summary: I knew he was hiding something. I knew he was different. He always looked distant, pulled out of reality. Toshiro Hitsugaya was hiding something. I didn’t know what, but I was. I wanted to help. IchiHitsu. 1st person. yaoi.
1. Wanting Ungraspable Truths

**Okay. Here's another Bleach fanfic. It's unedited. Hope you like! (decided to fidle around with first person to see how it would sound)**

* * *

Ichigo

I knew he was hiding something. I knew he was different. He always looked distant, pulled out of reality. Those eyes -so beautiful and pure- were always downcast, a sparkle of terror and torture held in them. Toshiro Hitsugaya was hiding something. I didn't know what, but I was. I wanted to help.

Toshiro and I had met in our freshmen year of high school. We had bumped into each other right before classes started.

* * *

I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. A rumble of nervous bumblebees droned in the pit of my stomach. I clasped my abdomen. I usually didn't get this anxious over the first day of school. It used to be just any other day, just a new agenda pretty much. But now it was like a nerve racking experience, completely new, like I was some small kid in line for a rollercoaster, anticipating the unknown thrills of what was to come.

Every year, in a way, was a rollercoaster, though. In seventh grade, both me and Uryu Ishida snuck a cherry bomb into the bathroom, flushed it down, and the pipelines of the school were blown out and school was halted for over more than a week. I smiled at the memory. Every year had the same thrills, same tricks to stop school, or to get back at a bully… except this year. This year was a whole new rollercoaster because I had changed. I found out something about me that I had never thought would be possible. And through all of this realization, my friend was no longer here. Uryu had left, moved to the far north part of Japan, too far for regular visits.

The stupid grin on my face melted away into a frown. All of this was new -new school, new attractions- and my friend wasn't there to help. The only friend.

I grumbled through the hallways, a rain cloud forming over my head and drenching me all the way to the bone in sorrow and just an entirely pissed off mood. I didn't really look where I was going and I didn't really give a shit who I ran into. I held no intimidation from older classmen. I just gave it.

As I continued to walk through the halls, I turned a corner harshly and felt a sharp pain in the top of my chest and staggered backwards. Some boy had ran head long into me. His white tousled hair covered his bent head as he picked up his spilled books off the floor. I felt guilt needle my heart as I realized my pig ass manners. I kneeled down and started to scoop up some of the books.

He kept his gaze averted to the ground and mumbled, "Thank you."

"Don't mention it. I was just being the dumb ass barreling down the hallway.."

The boy lifted his face. A pair of light turquoise eyes stared back at me. One bang shrouded the left one as he cocked his head and smiled gently at my harsh comment. He glowed as he grinned back at me like some dangerous angel.

I felt absolutely retarded staring at this beautiful person. I bet I looked like a choking frog: butt resting on heels as I crouched, knees diagonal like a pissing toad, jaw dropped and eyes bugging. I clicked my jaw shut and felt heat rush to my cheeks.

A coy smirk slid onto his face, almost like he registered exactly what was going on in my head. I blushed at thought of him reading my mind in the future, if I'd get any other interesting thoughts.

The boy's long ebony lashes drifted down as he reached towards me. To my astonishment and slight disappointed relief, his hand dipped right beneath me to grab a book instead of my junk. A ragged breath came from my parted lips.

"What's your name?" I was still staring at his hand when he asked. He seemed to notice and shied away, turning his head and a faint blush painting his cheeks. My eyes met his and he dropped his lashes and lifted a hand to his nape, rubbing it in the usual anxious habit. "Sorry, wasn't trying to grab the assembly.. Just the book." I smiled and laughed at his word choice. An cherubic-devilish grin approached his cheeks demurely.

"Ichigo Kurosaki." I was finally able to blurt out. I lent out my hand as we stood up. He only came up to my collar bone. That was fucking adorable.

"Toshiro Hitsugaya." he placed his small hand in mine and shook. My cheeks warmed at the touch.

I wanted to talk but time was closing in. I never thought I could hate school any more than I already had. I wanted to butcher it. I looked down at my watch. We had three minutes.

I budged my chin out towards his schedule. "When are your classes?"

Toshiro's brow knitted together as he jumbled the assortment of books in his petite arms. "Fuck it." he mumbled under his breath and clasped a small book between his teeth and held a mound of books in his left arm and his schedule in his right. I felt rude for not helping him carry anything but the situation was quite cute.

"Uhh.." I snorted at his clenched voice and laughed more when he smartly flicked me off with a grin. "First I've got math, second reading and language, third physical education, fourth history, fifth arts, sixth science, and seventh study period."

I quickly glanced down at mine. "We have second, third and fourth together." I looked up and saw him struggling again with his books. I smirked and grabbed the book between his teeth that was about to fall. He winked and replied, "Thanks." I blushed at the mere flutter of his lashes.

After he got situated, I tried to hand him his teeth-marked book but his eyes were unfocused and looking past me. Confused, I looked behind me, saw nothing, and stood in front of him. "You see something?"

Toshiro shook his head. "Oh.. Did I space out?" he shrugged bashfully. "Sorry.."

"No, it's ok. Do it all the time in history." a wavering smile spread on Toshiro's lips but a fear shadowed his striking eyes.

Before I ask him if he was ok, the warning bell rang. Toshiro jolted at the sudden sound and looked at me apologetically and wound around me. "I've gotta go, don't wanna be late." he smiled sheepishly at me. "See you in an hour!" he yelled back.

I waved but my hand soon ceased its movement as I saw Toshiro look over his shoulder back into the empty hallway with such horror spelled onto his face I thought he had seen a murder. He scampered away before I could catch up to him and I resorted to running to my first class and ponder on what had just happened to my new found friend.

* * *

Now that I pieced it together, I knew that he had seen something that day, nothing like a weird kid or disfunctional teacher.. Something I couldn't. I wanted to know, wanted to know so much as to help him and keep him safe from anything that was keeping those eyes so sleepless with those sooty crescents of somnolence.

I flipped open my cell as I walked home and dialed Toshiro's number. He picked up on the first ring. This was almost ritual to us now.

"Hey."

"Walking home, Kurosaki?" he asked.

"You're psychic aren't you?" I said teasingly.

A choked laugh came from the other line. "So why you call?" I heard his foot tap on the soft padding of his mattress and the _scritch_ and _scratch_ of his pencil on paper.

I snorted. "I do this all the time. Why do you always ask?"

"Well I wouldn't know if you were being reported into the police department if I didn't ask, smart ass!"

"Tight ass!"

Toshiro and I teased each other until interference started crackling its raspy voice.

"Hey, Toshiro? Can you hear me? There's some interference." Labored breathing came at me from the other line, soft and light. Like Toshiro's. I stopped at my doorstep and pressed the phone close to my ear and closed my other. "Toshiro. Do you need me over there? You sound-"

"No! I mean-.. I'm alright. Just don't come. Please. I just have to go."

"I-" the phone beeped in my ear like a teasing alarm clock, signaling that the other line was dropped. Toshiro really seemed unnerved and I wanted to go over and help him, tell him for another reason why I had to come: I was locked out of my apartment, had to get help with my homework and lay on his bed with him, working on the overly complex problems that he whizzed straight through like an Olympic swimmer in a baby pool. But I heeded his wishes and stepped into my apartment, disappointedly.

I knew why he had to leave though: it was his secret. I knew so much about him but nothing was enough until I knew absolutely everything. I wasn't nosey, I was just curious about the such inhumanly beautiful boy. And I wanted him to feel safe around me, let him think and know that I am trustful.

I made a drink and slid the balcony door open. I propped onto the large chair seated there and listened to the calming wash of the Japanese coastline, wishing I could share it with Toshiro. I looked out at the sea, Toshiro's its mysterious incarnate. Like any person in admiration of the sea, I wanted to learn his history, know him from inside out, love his beauty and ambiguity, and, one of the most important to me, keep him safe.

* * *

**So.. yeah. I made Ichigo a sap and Toshiro a mystery monkey. Hope you liked it and please review!**


	2. Angels and Devils

_**Toshiro**_

_**I woke up the next morning, thanking everything I could that it was Sunday. I was too exhausted from last night to even think about school.**_

_**I swallowed through my sand paper throat at the memory of last night, avoiding his voice, touch, pretending to be asleep or otherwise dead. Some days I really did regret my life and what was burdening it. I wanted all of it to go away, all of it. I never asked for this and never asked him to be in my life. My hand clutched and I immediately pulled back at the sensation of my fingers hitting solid. My cell phone gleamed back at me. Five foggy imprints were left on its surface from my sweaty hand. **_

_**I rolled onto my back and groaned at the pain in my spine. I knew I didn't move; I never moved when he came around. My eyes traced the chicken scratch lines of the ceiling, making images out of them, until my heart skipped a beat. The room had gone chilled and no air circulated in the room. One of them was close.**_

_**My limbs felt shell shocked like I hadn't used them in years, stiff and yielding. I clambered over to my closet and quickly put on a pair of jeans and a black shirt, halfway doing it down the stairs. **_

_**I had to get out of my house. In a way I liked and hated school. Of course I didn't like it. It was school but it gave me haven from what I was cursed with, to be free from those lingering wisps. And Kurosaki. He was there. I felt safe around him but he knew nothing, nothing of the torture. Ignorance is bliss.**_

_**As I shuffled down the stairs I punched in a text to Ichigo:**_

_**Can I come over 2day? Want 2 get out of the house.**_

_**I clicked my phone shut and almost immediately my phone vibrated:**_

_**Sure. Need pick up?**_

_**I answered back:**_

_**No. Ill take cab. B there in a min.**_

_**I shut my phone and ran into the kitchen. My mother stood with her back facing me, her long ash-blonde hair hung limply at her shoulders. Her hands had gone boney from stress and from working over time to keep our lives stable. She had lost her husband -who had disappeared and is probably in Vegas with some hooker and never coming back- and her son, me, was screwed up because of the absence of a fatherly figure, telling stories as a kid that I saw things, people, and dreams that others never hear or see. I had trusted my mother, told all of my secrets, all of my tortures, and all she did was cry, slap me in the face and told me to do something better with my life than lie like my miserable father. So after that, I kept closed. I didn't tell anyone about anything that was happening to me. I just had to endure it.**_

_**I slipped by and grabbed an apple, trying to slip by without my mother noticing, when a thin hand grasped my wrist. Her fingers were thin but long and strong. My wrist wouldn't budge.**_

"_**Where are you going?" she angled her chin towards the apple. "You need to eat more than just that. Your thin."**_

"_**I know, but I want you to have a good breakfast. I'm going to Ichigo's, just to get out of the house." my eyes met her's. What used to be sparkling emeralds were now dying moss, all shimmer and life in those eyes had been sucked away. Both my parents had had beautiful dark eyes, green and hazel. Not like mine. Mine were a light aquamarine, sometimes a transparent ice blue, especially after my dreams. People said they were beautiful, but I hated them. They were what had given me my curse. My curse to see. And my hair didn't even resemble anything in their gene code: father had black hair mother had blonde hair. Mine was white. Ghost white. I hated all of it but I never hung on it for too long, at least blessing my parents for their facial genes for not making my face look like a jigsaw piece. **_

_**My mother continued to grasp my wrist, staring into my eyes, until she finally seemed to realize what she was doing. Her head snapped back like she had been in a trance and she pried her hand from my arm, leaving a faint pink lining like thick bracelets where her fingers had been.**_

_**She sighed and placed a gentle hand on my bruised wrist. "I'm sorry, sweet-tart. I just want you to be safe." her eyes lifted, a rim of tears laced her bottom lashes. "I guess I'm just like any other mother, eh? Wants to hold onto their baby for all their life." I kissed her on the cheek instead of using words to describe my love for her, and that I was always going to be there for her and left through the door.**_

_**Our apartment was found in a rusty complex. It was the only one we could afford. The room we had bought was the cheapest but for a reason: it was in shambles. But the neat freak in both of us came out and saved the house. It actually didn't look too bad, furnished in more classic and simple furniture and no bugs to be found because of our OCD spray-n-scrub schedule. And the best part about it, it made my mother happy. She loved to spend that time with me and I loved spending it with her. The memories brought happy tears to my eyes.**_

_**I crossed the street and hailed a cab. A yellow cab screeched right next to me and would have chopped off my toes if I had not jumped back. I got in the back and looked up at the rearview mirror which revealed a middle eastern looking man, a bushy porn 'stache in place.**_

"_**Where are you going?" I choked down my laughter as I realized he sounded exactly like Borat.**_

"_**Beach Front Complexes."**_

_**The ride swerved along. I managed to bang my head against the close in walls so many times I probably would have been diagnosed with a coma if I stayed in any longer. As I clutched the leather of the seat and waited for my stomach to stop rolling around, we halted to a stop in front of the large condo building.**_

"_**Thanks." I handed him fifteen bucks and he sped off again. I trotted up the stairs to a lobby fancied in white marble, mirrored walls, and aqua and white striped furniture. Shell lamps and coral sculptures sat in pots in a palette of pastel color. I walked over to a pillar that was outlined with cushions and sat down, waiting for my friend.**_

_**A goggling girl with orange hair oodled at me, jaw dropped. I waved and her grey eyes fluttered and she twinkled her fingers back. Strange.**_

_**Giggles continued to pervade through the room when I felt a large hand pat my shoulder.**_

"_**Looks like she likes you." Ichigo said, winking and nudging me in the arm. I shoved him back with my shoulder. "A lot of girls have an eye for you." **_

_**I looked at him skeptically, one brow cocked up. "That's one girl, Ichigo. Doesn't mean I'm beast."**_

_**Ichigo's eyes widened and he made a strange strangled hum like he was asking me something in disbelief. I kept walking past him towards the elevator and pressed the up button. Ichigo continued to look at me with his silly mask. **_

_**We got onto the elevator when it opened and he pressed the number five without looking, eyes still glued to me. **_

_**I finally turned around. "What?" He smiled. He raked a hand through his hair as we stepped out onto a platform. **_

"_**Nothing. " he said, reaching in his pocket to pull out a key adorned with a smiley face keychain. "Just think it's funny how you don't think yourself attractive." He pushed the door open and stood aside to allow me pass.**_

"_**Well I've got white hair, Ichigo. I look like a midget grandpa from ass view." I turned my back to him and pointed at my hair.**_

_**Ichigo closed the door and reached over to ruffle my hair. "Naw. Ish cute." I smiled and swatted at his hand. He passed me, snapped his fingers at the couch to order me to sit down (with his usual bossy and possessive attitude), and ran into the kitchen to make drinks.**_

_**I stretched out on the couch. To my disappointment, my whole body didn't even fit on the couch. Too small. Sigh. I crossed my arms behind my head and yawned. I loved being here. It was safe and I never got any problems. I took in the scent, strawberry and a light waft of soap. It was refreshing.**_

_**Ichigo, I had to say, really had a way in decorating. It wouldn't fit me but it definitely fit his all over the place style. The couches and chairs were blocky, no curve to their edges, and in solid, out there colors. The walls were a dark grey but adorned with artistic mirrors bent in vertigo shapes. Everything was made out of stainless steel or glass, even the flowers sticking out of the metallic vase were made out of fantastically crafted metal and glass. It was so quirky, but I loved it. Even the ceiling was carpet. **_

"_**Quite complimentary of me, Kurosaki." I teased. "You got man love for me?" I looked over at him. His back was to me, stiff, but he didn't seem to have heard my response.**_

"_**You want honey in your tea?" he asked. **_

"_**Sure."**_

_**Ichigo came over to the living room and handed me my drink before sitting down in his bunny faced egg chair. The shock of orange hair on his head mashed down as he slid farther into it, sipping on his drink contently. **_

_**The day passed by comfortably as we talked, joked, and watched TV. Nothing relaxed me more than being by my friend, my best friend. He knew exactly what to do and say to calm my frayed mind, to shut off the other side of my sight. This was home.**_

_**Ichigo stood up and stretched. He walked over to the glass balcony door and slid it open. The briny air mingled with the strawberry scent of his home. I blew the fluttering locks of my hair out of my face. Ichigo plopped down on the floor and beckoned me over with a finger. I obeyed and crawled off the couch as a Velcro ball smacked me in the face. Ichigo stuck his tongue out and hurled another ball at the ceiling. I heard the shtuk as it stuck to the carpeted roof. I tossed mine and it stuck next to his. **_

_**Ichigo laid back as I made it over to his side. "When you gotta go?"**_

_**I looked down at my watch and felt the dark orange light of the evening rest on my skin. It was seven thirty already. My eyebrows knitted together and I looked at him apologetically. "About now. It's late."**_

_**Ichigo's expression melted. "Oh.. Ok."**_

_**I wanted to tell him that I could stay longer, and I wanted to, but I couldn't. My mother would expect me to be home and I didn't want to scare here or shatter her heart anymore than it already was.**_

"_**I'm sorry. My mom's-"**_

"_**Waiting?" he finished. "Yeah. I know. Well, I'll give you a ride then."**_

_**We got to his red sports car and popped off onto the road. When we made it to my rickety home, we got out and he followed me up the crumbling stairs to my apartment.**_

_**In the haunting yellow glimmer of the electric lanterns, Ichigo was quite handsome, I had to admit. His jaw line and cheekbones stood out and held a more masculine touch than mine did. Mine were thin and streamlined but not as bold as his facial features.**_

_**Ichigo looked down at me when he noticed me looking with his chestnut eyes. "I'm coming in to say sorry to your mom for keeping you so long. I know how much she loves you."**_

_**I tried to quench the firing blush on my cheeks as I smiled. "Thanks…" My answer drifted off as I saw him, standing on the roof of a near by building and shrouded in shadow. His head cocked slowly to the side as he studied us. I quivered and grabbed Ichigo's arms. His eyes were already looking down at me with concern.**_

"_**Ichigo?" my voice wavered. "Can I please stay the night? Please?"**_

_**Ichigo seemed both surprised and joyous at my request.**_

"_**S-s-sure!" he stuttered. "Let's go tell your mom and get your stuff,"**_

_**I nodded and opened the door. My mother looked up from the floor where she was scrubbing.**_

_**I passed by my mother, kissing her swiftly. "I'm spending the night." Before she could respond, I ran into my room, scooped up khaki pants, a white button down shirt with a blue tie, shower supplies, pajama pants, and a toothbrush. I threw them in a shamble down into a satchel and quickly trudged out of my room. My mother had removed her gloves, hands on hips, and was talking to Ichigo with a great big mom smile on her face. Good to know she liked him.**_

"_**How funny!" she giggled and looked at me adoringly. "It sounds like you two have had a good day." The way she looked at us side by side made me uncomfortable, like we were some newly wed couple. **_

_**I cleared my throat. "So." I pressed. "Can I?"**_

_**My mother's eyes fixed down at me and she nodded, wiping a few strands of her buttery hair off of her forehead. "I can trust you and your friend to get to school and not skip. So.." she bent down and clasped each side of my face, kissing each cheek. "Just get some sleep and have fun." She stood back up and patted Ichigo adoringly on the shoulder. "You too, sweetie."**_

_**Both Ichigo and I waved as we left. Once we got out of the door, I grasped his hand and dragged Ichigo down the stairs in record time towards the car. I wanted to get both me and Ichigo away from him. I didn't want him getting hurt.**_

"_**What's-" he tried to ask but I pushed on and got into the car. He started the engine and turned to look at me while resting his arm on the steering wheel. "What's wrong, Toshiro? Did-"**_

"_**J-just drive!" I yelped. He looked at me for a good second and finally turned around and raced out of the lot. The whole ride was silent but fast. We parked in the condo parking lot and I tried to get out of the car but the locks shifted downwards, locking me in. I turned to see Ichigo with his hand on the switch, staring at me with a hard expression. I shrank at the intensity of his gaze.**_

"_**What did you see?" his tone was demanding.**_

_**I hesitated. "Nothing." I wanted to tell him so bad but I couldn't. I didn't want to loose the only friend I had.**_

_**I jumped when Ichigo's warm hand slid over mine and held it comfortingly. "No." his voice was still stern but comforting. "It wasn't. There was something."**_

_**I just stared at his eyes, wanting to belt out everything but not wanting to make him think I was crazy. Tears bit at the backs of my eyes and I shook my head. "I can't talk about it now. Please."**_

_**I looked up and found pain and longing in my companion's eyes. A tentative stroke filmed over my hand. "Ok." he said gently and he took out his keys and got out of the car. I still sat there, shocked and hit hard, emotionally, at his understanding. I was brought out of my paralysis when Ichigo rapped his finger on the window. **_

_**We got up to the fifth floor and into his cozy apartment. I felt no stagnant air, no random chill. Everyone of my usually tense muscles relaxed.**_

_**Ichigo showed me to the bathroom. "Go take a shower. You'll feel better." he smirked at me and patted me on the shoulder, telling me it was going to be alright. I nodded and stepped into the room. Everything was silver and black. Stainless steel was every working waterworks and décor. I liked it. **_

_**I turned the knob of the shower and peeled my clothes off. The warm water soothed me. I let it run over me for a while before doing anything, just enjoying its comfort. I quickly shampooed my hair and washed my body and then just sat in the tub. My back caught the sprinkling drops from the shower head, loosening up my vertebrae. I ran my hands over my face. I needed comfort. I wanted someone to know and to believe. Someone that would help me along the way before this eventually withers me away. I fought with myself, an angel and a devil on my shoulders, for minutes until I just gave up, a new intensity of frustration spilling into my mind.**_

_**I haughtily shut the shower off and wrapped a towel around my waist. I looked for my satchel but realized I had left it on the couch. I opened the door and peeked outside. Sure enough, my satchel was laying right there next to Kurosaki, reading some sports magazine in his pajamas. I scurried out and he looked up, doing a double take. I cracked a sheepish smile. I grasped one side of my towel-skirt while my other hand rummaged in my bag for my pajama pants. **_

_**I finally got them and noticed Ichigo looking at my abdomen skeptically. I blushed and he responded, "You're not scrawny." his eyes lifted up to meet mine, his hands directing at my torso. "You've got a fucking six pack!" My blush reddened and I giggled like a high cheerleader. **_

_**Before I could make myself anymore of a fool, I escaped into the bathroom and changed. I looked into the mirror at my reflection. I guess I was attractive, streamlined features, cheekbones and jaw line prominent, and my eyes were nicely shaped but I guess I just didn't really get it. I rubbed my ab muscles under my black shirt self consciously and exited the bathroom.**_

_**Ichigo looked up from his magazine and tossed it onto the coffee table and stood up. I shied away and blushed, still a little fazed by his compliments.**_

"_**Well." he started. "You can sleep in my room and I can sleep on the couch-"**_

"_**No. That's rude." It was. I didn't want to banish him out of his own bedroom. I looked behind me towards his room. "I guess we can both fit. I'm not going to take up that much space." Ichigo beamed supposedly at my joke and led me into the bedroom.**_

_**Unlike the rest of his colorful house, his room was very dark. A dark violet -almost black- comforter laid on a king sized bed against charcoal walls. Ichigo sprung onto the bed and curled into the bed. His arms stretched above him like two flesh colored trees.**_

"_**Ugh! I'm bushed. You tired?"**_

_**I made my way to the opposite side of the bed and crawled in. "Yeah." I looked over at the tuft of orange hair that was my friend, his face submerged in the blankets. "See you tomorrow?"**_

"_**Sure." he said smartly and immediately fell to sleep. I smiled and followed suit, forgetting about everything.**_


	3. Knowing

Ichigo

A shifting along side me woke me up. The bed tossed and rumbled against the movement. Confused, I woke up my eyes, clearing away the hazy film of sleep from their surface. I looked over towards the movement. It was Toshiro. A flutter of electricity ran through every part of my body at seeing him, laying there, in my bed. I wanted to reach out and caress his face, his beautiful, beautiful face, and tell him everything, anything that would make him happy. I wanted to make him feel safe. My hand subconsciously ran over his taut stomach, feeling the defined rolls of muscle beneath the barrier of fabric.

He reacted to my touch, gasping and jolting around. He was dreaming or, most likely, having a nightmare. My brow tightened at the poor sight of Toshiro's face pulled together in discomfort and fear. Staccato scratches came from his clawed hands ripping at the covers. I grasped one of them and it spasmed in my hand. I let go, not sure what to do.

I sat up in bed. I knew I had to wake him up, the sight of him in such torture killed me. I crawled over towards him and grabbed his shoulders and shook. "Toshiro!" Toshiro's brow furrowed further as I shook. "Toshiro! Wake up!"

Toshiro sucked in a breath like he hadn't had air in hours. His eyes shot open, the color now lighter and almost glowing. I brought a hand up to his cheek. "What happened?"

Toshiro looked scattered. His eyes darted around him like he didn't know where he was. His eyes connected with mine. They were filled with the same fear I'd seen the night before.

"Toshiro are you-…" I drifted off and leaned back to my side of the bed as he sat up in bed. The window to the left of him framed the moon, its silver beams making the dewy film of sweat on his face and neck shine. His chest heaved and the thin skin near the dent of his clavicle jumped to his ragged breath as well.

"Toshiro.. Do you need me to go get you some water? You don't-"

"We can't go to school today." Toshiro's pale eyes were vacant, in a trance. I didn't know what had gotten into him. I would have usually loved the thought of both me and Toshiro skipping school, but this wasn't him. He wouldn't go against his mother's will and wouldn't risk getting behind on his work and letting his grades slip. No. He wouldn't.

"We have to. We promised-"

"Promises be damned! We can not go to school!" Toshiro turned to me, rage and anxiety glimmered in his eyes. He was scared of something.

"Why?" I asked.

Toshiro just stared at me. He redirected his gaze to the covers thoughtfully. He murmured, "I don't know. I'll try to explain it in the morning when we're not at school." he said pointedly and laid back down.

I hadn't gotten any sleep since Toshiro's strange awakening. I wanted to know what frightened him, why he wanted to not go to school, and how could it be so secretive that we could not talk about during the quiet night?

After Toshiro woke up, we silently made our way to my kitchen. I grabbed some eggs out of the refrigerator and lifted two to show to Toshiro. "You want some eggs?" Toshiro didn't answer me. I looked up and found him at the bar side of the counter, his fingers massaging his temples and his eyebrows pulled down in discomfort.

"Toshiro?"

His eyes flashed open to meet me and he shook his head. "No, thanks. Nauseas and got a headache." he groaned and continued to hold his small head.

I put the eggs back in the refrigerator, loosing my appetite as well, and went to go sit by my friend.

"Do you want to talk about last night?" I comfortingly put a hand on his back. It was freezing cold and shivering.

He caught my flinch and simply said, "I get cold after nightmares."

"Mm." I didn't know what else to say. I waited and watched Toshiro look up at the clock on the wall every minute. After his head had shot up for the thousandth time I finally broke the silence. "What are you waiting for-"

Toshiro immediately bounded off the counter seat and got the TV controller, clicked it on, and switched it to channel three. A large helicopter-view news shot of a building filled up the flat screen. Police cars and ambulances sat catty-whack all over the lawn. People in uniforms, young people, were running out of the building, masks of terror placed on their youthful faces.

But the place looked familiar. The uniforms, the shape of the building.. That was my school. The school Toshiro told me not to go to last night. Toshiro looked back at me over his shoulder, turning off the TV in the process.

I stuttered. "How did you know?"

"There's a bomb set up in the school's pipelines, right under Ms. Hakura's classroom-

"That's our math class!" I belted out.

"Yes." he said wisely. "It was supposed to blow at eight fifteen today. The time we were going to be in that room."

My stomach clenched and my body ran cold. I felt like I was falling. I could've died today if it weren't for him. But how did Toshiro know. Suspicion settled in along with terror. Would my rule-tied friend have anything to do with this anarchist act?

I swallowed. "How did you know, Toshiro?" I was scared of the answer that was to come.

Toshiro looked at me like he was trapped, not sure what to say. He just shook his head.

"Toshiro. How? How did you know about this?" my temper was dwindling and starting to build at his unresponsive behavior.

"I can't."

Heat covered my body in rage as I stepped closer to him. Toshiro turned his head as I got face to face with him. I pointed at the TV. "How?" I waited for his response, but nothing came. I growled and grabbed Toshiro's slim chin and jerked his head towards mine. I pointed more directly at the TV, vehemently. "How did you know about this, Toshiro? Tell me." I let go of his chin and he stared at me sadly for a second before bowing his head again. My temper snapped and my hand flung out and slapped him across the face. My body froze as Toshiro's eyes widened, his mouth parted in disbelief, and brought up a hand to his bruised cheek.

"I-I'm sorry, Toshiro. I didn't-" I choked off as a tear ran down his cheek. My heart shattered and I shakily reached out towards him. "Toshiro…"

A quite sob came out from his lips as he turned towards me. "I need to tell you something."


	4. Secrets

Toshiro

Stress weighed down on me as I realized what I'd done. I was going to tell my secrets. I was going to tell my crazy secrets to my only friend, and I didn't even know if he was going to take me in or reject me like my mother. I prayed silently to God as I pulled him back into the bedroom.

"What's going on, Toshiro?" I crawled onto the lip of the bed and crossed my legs. I breathed and closed my eyes, trying to relax my tumbling stomach. I can't turn around now. I can't try and talk myself out of this. I had to do this, for both my and Ichigo's benefit.

"Toshiro?…" Ichigo's comforting voice caressed my ear. One of his warm, callused hands laid on my knee, swirling his thumb in circles on my chilled skin. I opened my eyes. Ichigo was sitting down on his knees on the ground in front of the bed. His chocolate eyes shimmered sadly in the dim light.

"Please Toshiro.. I just want to help." My throat ran dry at his begging. How could I doubt Ichigo, this amazing, trustful, and caring friend? He would never leave my side, he'd always be there and I knew this. He told me so many things about himself: why he had to move to his apartment because of his abusive father, how he had never had a girlfriend before, how he used to cry every night because of his best friend, someone by the name of Uryu, left. He held no secrets, none at all. He had given them to me, trusted me, but I held mine in. I had to let him know and that time was now, no matter what anyone or anything said against it. I was going to do this.

"Ichigo?" His previously bowed head shot up, looking at me longingly. I swallowed through my throat and fought down the rising of bile. My tongue started to slide down and choke my own throat. "Do you believe in ghosts?"

He hesitated. "I-I guess so.." Ichigo looked thoughtful like he was trying to piece my story together. And he was. I can tell.

"Why?" he gave up and looked up at me for the answers.

"Because I'm perfect proof of their existence. I can see them." I shot the bullet that could possibly kill our friendship.

Ichigo looked at me, his eyes wide and darting from either one of my own expecting eyes. "R-really?"

I looked down at my wringing hands. "Yes. I know it's pretty crazy and I bet you think I am but-"

"No. Toshiro. I believe you. I've seen you look haunted for too long." he smiled. "Excuse the pun."

I smiled and bowed my head more, hiding my rising blush.

"Look." he wrapped his large fingers around my jaw and brought my eyes to his. "I want to help you and I've expected you of something. I just wanted you to tell me instead of thinking of false rumors." His eyes turned warm, a passionate fire in those dark soulful eyes. "I want and I am going to help you get through this, Toshiro."

My heart raced in my chest. He wanted to help me all along. And this meant our friendship was still intact. Joy filled my body along with the tingling that ran down my spine.

I kept my head cradled in his palm until he pulled it back. I looked down at him. He was chewing on his tongue, his in-thought habit. I lightly smiled at the memory of him nearly severing his tongue from his mouth with his own teeth when we worked on our math homework together.

His voice brought me back to the present. "Then how did you-"

"Know about the school bombing?" I sighed. "You remember my nightmare?" he nodded. "Well, that was it. I have some psychic connection through dreams. I'm omniscient in my dreams and I watch the day unfurl below me, like I'm watching us go to class."

"So you-"

"Saw and knew that we were going to get blown up. Yes. But thankfully the police and forces there were able to disable the bomb before it could blow."

Ichigo continued to chew and opened his mouth but I interrupted him.

"Yeah. Pretty much. I called the bomb dispatchers when you were asleep."

Ichigo's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "How did you…? How- how did you answer.."

"Your question? I'm psychic as well, but just a little. I can only get strong or close strings of thought. Like someone next to me I can hear. I can hear strong emotional thoughts. It all depends how hard or thoughtfully they are thinking. So I can't really hear someone from across the street unless they're really pissed. Weak telekinesis."

Ichigo bit his lip and his cheeks tinted a powder pink. "Explains the headaches."

"Yeah."

"So." Ichigo started. "The day we met…?"

My airways tightened as I read his thought. I had to tell him about Vladimir. "I saw a ghost. A ghost that knows I can see him." I shivered in remembrance. "His name is Vladimir. He's the reason why I had to spend the night. He was at my house."

"And on the phone."

"Yes. I had to go because of him."

Ichigo sat there, taking it all in until his head whipped towards me, a flash of orange flame, and grabbed my arms. "Has he done anything to you?" Fury was in his tone and his eyes were blood thirsty. His violence surprised me.

"N-no. Just a few grabs and pushes, any regular ghost thing but he hasn't… abused me." I averted my eyes until one of his thoughts hit me. A fuchsia blush formed on my cheeks. "H-he hasn't raped me, Ichigo."

Ichigo exhaled and released my arms, leaving large red bands. "I'm just glad he hasn't really hurt you. But it still does make me mad that he taunts you."

I shook my head. "It's fine. It's nothing really. You don't need to worry."

Silence passed and I looked up and saw Ichigo staring straight at me, his efeatures softened and in wonder. I straightened up more and he remained looking at me. He looked like he was having a fight with himself on what to say.

"So." he said. "What… What have you read about me?"

"Through your thoughts?"

"Yeah."

"Not much. Just when you got angry with that 'fucking stupid faggot' that 'frackin' body slammed' you in the hallway. Just stuff like that." I smiled as he chuckled.

"That guy did ram straight into me, you know." he said after his laughter started to die down.

"Yeah, I know." I said through my tittering.

We ceased our laughter and silence rested on us once again. We just sat there, Ichigo's head bowed and my hands working robotically against each other. Ichigo's head slowly rose, his eyes still shielded by his lids.

His eyes met mine and he took a deep breath. He pressed off the ground and put each hand on one of my thighs. My lips parted, not sure what to do.

"Did you know about this?" And Ichigo pressed his lips to mine and softly kissed me. His lips were full and warm, moving up and down against my own. He closed his lips on my bottom lip and pulled away. Ichigo scrutinized my (most likely) stunned face. His eyes darted between mine anxiously. "That's my secret."

Flutters ran down my body, down my arms, legs, and places I had never felt it before. It felt bad.. But I wanted more. I realized how much of a nice man he was, how much he cared for me. He didn't lift me and drop me when I came to him about my problems and when I told him my secret. He was there and still is.

I crawled closer to edge of the bed and wrapped my arms around Ichigo's neck. My lips connected to his and I kissed him back. I put all of the thanks I could into it, thanking him for all his trust and loyalty and for loving me.

Ichigo stood up and started to crawl over me onto the bed, still kissing me. I crawled along with him until my head hit the soft pillow. Ichigo's powerful hand pressed down on my chest and he urged me to lie down.

His lips left my mouth. "I've loved you ever since I saw you."

"When I 'cutely' ran into your chest?"

He snickered and nipped at my collar bone. "Yeah, psych."

I giggled at my new name and arched my head back at his touch. His hands roamed down to my abdomen and stroked against my muscles. I wrapped one of my hands in his beautiful ginger locks. Ichigo brought his lips back up to mine. His kisses were soft and romantic, nothing harsh or vulgar. At this moment I didn't care if he was a man, I didn't care about what people would think about us, I just cared about us, about our new found love.

Ichigo pulled back and cupped my face in his large hands. His hands touched from my jaw to my head. "Toshiro.."

"Mm…" I nuzzled into his palm. I didn't want this to end or this to be a cruel dream. I wanted this. I wanted him.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Kurosaki."


	5. Lust

**Bright light penetrated Ichigo's lids, tinting them a crackled red. "Shit." he said vulgarly. He wiped his eyes with his fists furiously and drove the blinding light from them. He groaned and arched his back, a snap leaked the empty air with sound. He lay there, not seeming to remember last night. No memory poured through and his weak, teenage attention span proved to be of no help and he immediately dropped the task. **

**Ichigo's ears rang in staccato bursts. High pitch wails clamored against his eardrums and he clamped his hands over them, shielding them from the horrid noise. It sounded like a dying crow. Soon, dying crow turned into white noise and realization hit him straight in the forehead.**

**School.**

**Ichigo groaned loudly, throwing a pillow across the room, and rolled over to press the off **button on the squawking device. His finger prodded something softer and right next to him in the bed. His shut eyes slowly unglued themselves and a blush rushed to his cheeks. Toshiro was sleeping right next to him. His white hair was in disarray and one arm curled beneath his head and wrapped around to lightly wind in his hair. A twin of dark lashes fluttered against his cheeks and his soft pink lips were bruised. Ichigo's eyes widened. Toshiro was sleeping right next to him and they had kissed.

A burble of emotion floated to his stomach. Out of all the people he could have guessed, he was the one who had turned completely into dedicated fag. He chuckled at himself and poked Toshiro's nose tenderly. The pert end wriggled and his brows brought down in discomfort and he brought his sheeted fist to rub it roughly. Ichigo caressed his white hair and smiled. Toshiro nuzzled into the hand.

Ichigo wanted time to end right here, to turn all clocks, but unfortunately as always school was a bitch and was calling their names. Ichigo sighed and leaned in close to Toshiro's face. Their noses nearly touched.

"Hey," he whispered. "Toshiro. We have to go to school today. Wake up." he laid a tender a hand on his shoulder.

Toshiro's eyelashes fluttered, teal eyes glittered from between them. He nuzzled into the sheets and opened his eyes fully. Surprise flashed over his face as he met Ichigo's eyes. Surprise dissipated to admiration as Toshiro smiled meekly at Ichigo. "Good morning." he said. His sweet voice crackled from morning and sent a shiver down Ichigo's spine.

Ichigo leaned in towards Toshiro and kissed him softly. Toshiro wrapped his slender arms around his neck and coiled a foot around Ichigo's. "Good morning." Ichigo replied.

Toshiro stretched. "So we're actually going to school today?"

"Yeah. It's probably best."

The two slowly lurched out of bed and set off for their clothes. Ichigo sifted through his closet and chucked out a pair of slacks, a tie, and a white button up. He looked out the window and saw the dreary weather and threw out a fleece jacket. Toshiro entered the room, lifting the bottom of his shirt. Ichigo felt a blush warm his whole body and a hardness fill his pants.

Toshiro's eyes widened and pink flush colored his cheeks. "Oh, I thought you were changing in the bathroom." he ducked his head and blushed further at the lusty look in Ichigo's eyes. "I-I'll go and-" he gasped as Ichigo lunged forward and grabbed his wrist, pulling him tight against him.

"No." he smirked. "I'll change you." Toshiro opened his mouth but closed it, nodding. Ichigo licked his lips and lifted Toshiro's shirt. A soft shape of abs curved his thin abdomen. Ichigo clenched his fist around the clothe in arousal. Toshiro's eyes lifted, a feisty glimmer in their color. He grinned and leapt into Ichigo's arms, straddling his waist. Ichigo growled and slammed Toshiro's back into the wall, resulting in a loud groan.

"This is fun." Toshiro panted. He stretched out his spine and pushed with his pelvis to shove Ichigo back so he could undo his pants. Ichigo clamped one of his hands down on Toshiro's wrists to keep him from slipping down the wall.

"You think its fun for _you?"_

_Toshiro giggled and gasped as Ichigo's fingers quickly slid his pants off. Ichigo leant forwards to claim Toshiro's soft lips. Toshiro smirked and wriggled to get out of his hold. Ichigo released and tensed his hold, getting Toshiro to hang with his back to him on his arm. A quick yelp turned into a burst of laughter as Ichigo brought his hand down to smack Toshiro's ass. _

"_It's my turn!" Toshiro yelped out. He had never had so much fun. He actually had a smile on his face._

_Ichigo huffed dramatically. "Fine." he slapped Toshiro's ass again and let him down._

_Toshiro leapt to his feet and tore Ichigo's shirt off, charging him into the wall. Toshiro simpered and winked as he slid down Ichigo's torso, weaving cool ice where his cool finger tips touched his skin. Ichigo swallowed a moan at the sight of Toshiro lecherously sliding down his body like a pole. _

_Toshiro halted at Ichigo's pant zipper. Anticipation pulsed through his veins as he shakily undid his pants and slid them off. He looked up and gulped a chuckle. _

"_What?" Ichigo asked in defense._

_Toshiro smirked up at him and pointed at his crotch. "Looks like your up and at attention." Ichigo blushed and lifted his head, looking straight at the wall in front of him. He bit his lip and a breeze caught him and before he could do anything further he flung his head back and leaned into the wall. Toshiro moved his mouth against his cock, lapping at its head. Ichigo groaned and coiled his fingers in the soft tufts of Toshiro's hair, shoving him forward. Toshiro licked the underside and brought it to the tip, smiling at the moan the sounded from Ichigo's throat._

_Toshiro backed onto his knees and panted, looking at Ichigo expectedly. Ichigo peeked down at him, and smiled at his trade mark eyebrow lift. Ichigo growled and lifted Toshiro and tossed him onto the bed._

"_Come here!" he wrapped his arms around Toshiro's waist and rolled him on top of his chest. Ichigo thrust his tongue into Toshiro's mouth and battled the other. Toshiro wrung his hands into the orange hair of his partner and kissed back forcefully. Ichigo pumped his hips and earned a moan from Toshiro. Toshiro pulled away and straddled Ichigo's hips, riding him like a motorcycle. He ground his pelvis against his and threw his head back in pleasure. _

_Ichigo pulled Toshiro down and rolled him onto his side. Both panted at each other and stared into each other's eyes. Toshiro snuggled into Ichigo's arms. He sighed. _

"_Now we just have to keep this down at school."_


	6. Warning Signs

Toshiro

As I walked onto the curb of the school's lot, I felt a knot of discomfort dismay my stomach. The stale yellow bricks of the school smiled out to me like a dozen row of old, rotten teeth in a snarl and it's dusty windows promised no sunshine of coming in. The high school was as appealing to the student eye as an exam paper: It was ugly, mocking, marish, and a tight ass to acceptance. The school wasn't necessarily a friend of mine, not really a friend to any teenager at that rate. It was usually the bully that harbored enough drama, feaks, and self destruction to cause grief to already over half of the student body, but it didn't have to stop there with me. The school was a threshold for ghosts and other grimey spirits especially since the fantastic lot it was built on used to be a graveyard in the late 1600's. A mill of women and men lurked the halls. A few farmers here a few peasants there, maybe sometimes a samarai at times but that was it, just a couple of cooked up spirits lost in limbo. It was relatively fun to watch some of them, some would reenact their life struggles or seem to forget where they were in a drop of a pen but not all were perfectly fine and blissfully unaware of where the hell they were. No, not everything goes according to what people really think the ghost world really works like.

Usually when I run across ghosts it doesn't happen like good oldman Hollywood wishes to portray it: The ghost whisperer sees the bug, ghost connects two with two, pursues the ghost whisperer, and then they converse on how to get their life long objective that is holding them back from Heaven accomplished. No, I'm stuck with the angry, pessimistic ones that think that if they can't be happy in Heaven, then they're going to make hell out of anyone who comes into contact with them. Like Dead Soldier and Fat Mailman.

They, Dead and Fat, were two of my regular couple, always coming up behind me and trying to slam my locker or spill the contents of my backpack with out me knowing. Unfortunately, those tricks only happen about once and can't be pulled again, unknown to them. They go through the same regimen every day, same pranks and comments and still think to get a tolerated holler from me. Some ghosts were just completely pathetic and useless, I swear.

Even though my usual run ins may not exactly work as Hollywood dreams it to be, sometimes I'd come across a few tender souls truly wishing to make a bridge to Heaven. I do agree that I have a bit of a prejudice against ghosts but it takes one rotten apple to ruin the image of the tree. When those souls come to me, I help them with what I can and have sent a few towards their way in a more rested and happier place but I like to keep a low profile seeing as I haven't told my mother yet.

I felt my brow lift in concern and self degradation. I always beat myself up on the inside when I'd find the time to realize, yet again, that I haven't worked up the courage to come out and tell my mother. Sometimes I'd spend full nights sitting in bed thinking on whether to run in to her room and tell her or to just keep her joyfully ignorant of my predicament. The reason being was because I didn't want her to worry about me and, probably taking up most of the reason, to not judge me.

"Toshiro? You ok?"

I shook my head and looked up at Ichigo. His brown eyes were set in concern as he looked down at me. Though it hurt my man pride, I had to admit it felt good to know I was cared about.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just thinking. _Just,_" I emphasized. "thinking. No sights or anything. Yet."

Ichigo smirked down at me. "You better not lie to me about this stuff. Want to know when you need help or not, ok?" He patted my shoulder briskly as he opened the door for me and led me into the hallway of the school. Huddles of students stood with one another like sectors of conversing birds, chirping in excitent like them as well. Sometimes I found the vanity and immaturity of the average teenage person made me sick.

As Ichigo and I made our way towards our lockers, we gave each other a shy look. I knew my cheeks were blushing but it didn't really matter, it would be more noticable if I were to duck my head more than just keep it at actual level. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ichigo look behind him and search the halls around us. A smile spread his lips and I felt his fingers wriggle their way between mine softly. A grin broke the surface of my own, a relatively rare facial expression on my behalf before I met Ichigo. Apreciation filled my chest cavity as I looked towards him.

Before I was able to say a word to him, the bell rang and we split our hands quickly, the akwards strawberry tint on our cheeks again. I shuttered my head up and down a few times and finally settled with a quiet "later" and a timid wave goodbye. This new found discovery of myself would have to take some getting used to.

"Hey, bud. You see any more of us buddies around? Anymore ghosties?" Fat Mailman prodded me with one of his smokey, pudgy fingers. The feeling was cold and slightly marshmellow-y with both the fat padding of his hands and the strange material he was made of. I sat in my desk, hands clasped in my lap to the utmost pressure my bones could take. Poke after poke I felt my self control wither. The aparition usually wasn't as 'proddy' as this on regular bases. He was probably interupted from watching the girl's locker room and was taking out his frustration on me.

"Eh, talk ta me, squirt. I'm a ghost, that's your job. You're supposed to talk ta me, you lil' bitch!" My eyes sprung open with the vulgarity of the Mailman's taunts. I shifted my weight in my chair, uncomfortable with the tension that only I could feel in the room. Fat Mailman continued to poke me in the arm, starting to work up a numbing in the spot he kept pinpointing.

As twenty minutes went by, I felt my inner endurance ready to snap like a glow stick at the disposal of a young child. I was ready to fire up and rant it out with this ghost. A psychic can only take so much. But luckily, Dead Soldier payed a visit along with Pilled Prostitute.

Pilled Prostitue wasn't much of a bother, she could be nice at times but it could wear on me when she would ask if I wanted to 'take a visit at the back stalls'. Obviously, not my cup of tea. She had died from an overdose of depression pills by her hand and was forever painted with her running mascara from her teary eyes. Her malformed body was spiney and boney while her chest was pumped with silicon, covered only by a sheer, sparkly pink tank and a purple bra. Dead Soldier with his grizzled chin had his skeletal arm draped over her shoulder in a possessive grip as his beady eyes kept looking to mine with scrutiny. The intensity of his gaze made me uneasy, these two weren't acting like themselves.

The bell rang and I jumped from my seat, first to exit and squeeze past the three spirits. As I felt the exhaust of aleviation pass my lips, I felt the cool chill of air pass through into the hallway. I looked behind me and saw Dead Soldier and Fat Mailman gliding towards me. I grimaced and rushed to my locker. I picked over my binders and collected all of my books that I needed fast enough and fumbled to close my locker door until Dead Soldier's skeletal hand clattered against the metal and shot it into it's holdings. The gruesome bone of his hand shifted and the tendons worked and pulled at the joints, dyed a stingy yellow from the acid it was dipped in. I kept my face down to keep my expression from being read by my peers.

Dead Soldier sneered down at me. "How ya doin', eyeball." I flinched at the nickname. That organ didn't do me much relaxation by the fact that it completely grossed me out. He had coined me as so because of my strange ability along with my large eyes. Another reason for me to hate my eyes. "You seem to have a skip in your step, wanna tell what's goin' on?"

I turned on my heel towards my next class, ignoring the piggy chuckles of Fat Mailman and smoker's rasp of Dead Soldier.

"Why you ignoring us, babe? You scayr'd. Oh, no that's right, yous only scayr'd of one ghost, arentcha eyeball?" A crawl of fear crawled up my neck like spider's legs. "Hm... What was the fella's name again. Can't seem ta rememb-... Oh.. Now I remember. Vladmir wasn't it. Ain't that right, lil cherub?"

I felt my heart plummet into my stomach and freeze like my bowels contained an arctic pond instead of organs. How did that slimey, damned thing know about Vladmir? He wouldn't have talked to them, shouldn't have. He even said he had no interest in the likes of angry souls with no purpose. A cold sweat glazed my skin as I pretended to drop a pencil, taking this time to turn and look at the two ghosts. As I turned, my throat closed as I saw Dead Soldier's hand. The gesture was simple, discreet actually. Just a wave, a wave so slow it seemed to be manipulating time and almost friendly in nature but no, no I knew that wave and it was no where near the category of kindness. It's slow metronome-esque movement was the trade mark greeting of Vladmir's. A trademark he left on spirits he had taken in to his liking.


End file.
